


You can't fix what's broken

by ukewithdarksoul



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Underage Drinking, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-03-10 20:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13509282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukewithdarksoul/pseuds/ukewithdarksoul
Summary: AU ish, where Usagi-san met a gothic boy at a convenience who has a lot of mental problems and it sets off an interesting chain of events.





	1. Chapter 1

Usagi-san POV 

It was late at night and I was walking out of the convenience store with a freshly bought carton of cigarettes. When I stepped out I opened the package to light the cigarette, but my lighter seemed to run out gas at that moment, causing me to sigh. "Need a light?" 

I turn towards the voice to see a man, no, a boy. He looks young. He was leaning against the store wall, a tall glass bottle of what looked like Vodka in one black nail painted hand and a white lighter in the other, held out. He wore all black. Black jeans, black long sleeve shirt, heeled black combat boots, and a spiked choker. He has big green eyes that were surrounded by black eye makeup and short chocolate hair with black colored tips. He looked like one of those kids who try to be dark and edgy. 

"Do you want it or not?" He asked, looking at me. I walked over to him and held out my unlit cancer stick, the boy flicked the lighter open and lit the tip. I brought the stick to my lips and inhaled deeply. "Thank you." I said before taking another inhale. 

"No problem." The boy said as he placed the bottle on the ground to pull his own cigarette out out of a cigarette carton and lit it. I watched as he pocketed the lighter and carton and picked up the bottle. He began to switch from taking a deep cigarette inhale and a long gulp of alcohol. 

"How old are you?" I found myself asking the boy without thinking. 

"Almost 18." He said casually, blowing smoke up into the atmosphere. My eyes widened.

"So 17. And you're drinking and smoking?" I asked surprised. I watched as the boy dropped the cigarette into the ground and stomp on it. Than take one final gulp of the bottle, finishing the bottle. "Saids the man smoking." He said. 

"I'm over 20. So sober up and go home kid." The boy looked down and chuckled dryly. 

"I'm going. I just can't let my brother know I drink and smoke. He would kill me." And with those words he let the bottle slip from his fingers and watched the bottle shatter on the concrete floor. "Good bye forever." He said, putting black headphone in his ears and walking away from me.

I watched as the boy turned his back on me and began walking away. 'Good bye forever' I thought to myself.

A few months later

"Usagi-san, this is my little brother, Misaki. Misaki, this is my best friend Usagi-san." My eyes widened as I was face to face with a boy with brown hair with black colored tips, big green eyes surrounding by black eye makeup, black shirt, black pants, spiked choker, and heeled black combat boots 

The same boy I met at the convenience store a few months ago who let me use his lighter.


	2. Chapter 2

"Usagi-san, this is my little brother, Misaki. Misaki, this is my best friend Usagi-san." My eyes widened as I was face to face with a boy with brown hair with black colored tips, big green eyes surrounding by black eye makeup, black shirt, black pants, spiked choker and heeled black combat boots.

The same boy I met at the convenience store a few months ago who let me use his lighter.

A few days ago

"My little brother's 18th birthday is in a few day." My best friend of 10 years, Takahashi Takahiro, said. We were currently sitting at a coffee shop having coffee. Something we occasionally do when we both aren't busy. "We are having a small party, just the two of us. You should come and meet him." He said, taking a sip of coffee. "He can seem moody and gloomy and distant. Always locking himself in his room and going out late and coming back early, but you know how teens are." My best friend chuckled. I smiled.

"I would love to meet your brother." I smiled.

Back to the present

"Hello, I'm Usami Akihiko, call me Usagi-san." I said, a little shaken up.

"I'm Misaki." He said dryly.

"Well I'll leave you two to talk. I'm going to get some champagne. When I get back we'll cut the cake and open presents." Takahiro said smiling, walking away to get said drink, leaving me and Mr. Edgy alone.

"So your brother is Takahiro." I said, trying to make conversation.

"Yeah." After that, the room went dead silent as an awkward atmosphere surrounded us.

"So I went to get the bottle, but it seems to be missing." Takahiro chuckled, walking into the living room. After hearing that information my eyes darted to Misaki.

"Maybe you forgot to buy some." Misaki suggested, both of us knowing what happened to it. "Do you want to go to the store to get some?"

"Would it be ok if I leave you two alone for a few minutes?" My best friend asked.

"Go ahead. Take your time." I said. And with that Takahiro left me and Misaki alone. When he shut the door I started talking.

"What the heck is wrong with you?! Did you steal the champagne?" I cried.

"So what if I did. What's the big deal?"

"You can't do this to your brother. He practically raised you himself."

"Do what?" This brat is just clueless.

"Drinking, smoking and stealing, and who knows what else."

"You don't know me!"

"You're just acting like a moody teen who thinks that no one understands you because you wear all black drink and smoke. When nothing bad has ever happened to you." Saying those words caused a flicker of sadness in his green eyes.

"You know what. Screw you!" And with those terse words and two middle fingers in my direction, he walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need some feedback on this chapter I think, maybe I'll completely rewrite this chapter


	3. Chapter 3

 

**Misaki POV**

I ran upstairs to my room and slammed the door. What the heck is wrong with Usagi-san!? He doesn't know! He doesn't know anything!

I looked at myself in the mirror and I hated what was looking back at me. What was looking back at me was the disgusting freak that I am. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I took it out and saw the text:

**Come over to study.**

I sighed at the text knowing exactly what it meant. Pocketing my phone I opened up my room and went downstairs.

"Misaki, where did you go?" Big brother asked. Him and Usagi-san were sitting on the couch slowing drinking champagne and talking.

"I'm going over to Sumi's house, he has a birthday present for me." I lied, making my voice sound natural and a small fake smile on my lips.

"Ok, Misaki don't be out too long." Big brother said with that goofy smile glued on his face. I left the house and went over to Sumi's house.

Me and Sumi have a certain set up. When he wants me, he texts me. I stop everything and go to his house.

When I get there I lower my pants, get on my hands and knees, close my eyes and wait for it to be over. He would enter me without and prep or a condom, and thrusts violently into me. Sometimes he spices things up by shoving a sandpaper dildo in at the same time or hitting and cutting my back until he cums. After the torture is over, I leave. This time wasn't different from any other time and either was the aftermath.

"Hey Misaki. Now I can legally take you." Sumi said slowly in my ear when he finished. His words caused me to shiver.

The aftermath was was the same as it always is. I pull my pants up and raid his fridge for alcohol. Than I leave. I opened the door to my home and went inside to see Usagi-san and big brother still sitting on the couch drinking champagne.

"Hey Misaki, how was Sumi's?" Big brother asked. If only he knew "You know, same as usual. Same old, same old." I said, I walk past them trying to hide my limp, I made my way upstairs to take a shower to try to wash away the filth.

**Usagi-san POV**

When Misaki left he had a smile on his face. His smile was a lie saiding 'everything is fine' but his eyes screamed the true that said 'help me.' When he came back not 10 minutes later he was limping, he tried to hide it, but I saw it, I doubt his brother notices, and dissappeared upstairs. When he smiled, it no longer held a believable lie. I stood up from my spot on the couch. "Where are you going Usagi-san?" My best friend asked.

"I'm just going to use the restroom, I'll be back in a few minutes." I lied and made my way upstairs to talk to Misaki. When I went upstairs I saw Misaki coming out of the bathroom, drying his hair. He was wearing, not his usual black pants and long sleeve black shirt, but he was wearing short black shorts and a short sleeve black t-shirt, bearing a Cannibal Corpse logo. The length of the shirt got me a chance to see that Misaki had a tattoo on his arm along with a few others I didn't get a good look at. I saw that his pale legs and arms were painted in red cuts and scars, and bruises. Some were years old, but some looked to be as fresh as today, and some were still bleeding slightly. Misaki looked at me with terrifyed wide eyes.

"I...I can explain."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From here on out the story is going to get really good, trust me. I spent a lot of time at work thinking up what happens next, and trust me I have a lot of day dreaming time.

Misaki POV 

I went upstairs and made my way into my bedroom to grab some clothes then I went into the bathroom to try to wash the remainder of Sumi. 

I let the hot water hit my face, I took a washcloth and tried to wash away the come and blood from between my legs. Then I took the washcloth and rubbed it arose my arms and legs, trying and failing to get the filth off my body. I rubbed the skin red and bloody. When I finished I put on a 'Cannibal Corpse' t shirt and some black shorts. I grab a towel and began to dry my wet hair while making my way to my bedroom. When I got out of the bathroom I came face to face with Usagi-san.

Usagi-san POV

I saw that Misaki had scars on his legs, arms, wrists, and some on his stomach too. Some deep, some shallow, some old, some new and some very new. He stared at me in fear.

"I...I can explain." The boy studdered out. For some reason rage bleed out of my soul and turned into angry words.

"You can explain? You can explain?! Go on explain why you cut yourself! Explain why you steal alcohol to chug it down! Explain why you smoke! Go on, explain why you do all of these things knowing that it hurts Takahiro!" I yelled. Misaki looked at me straight in the eye. His face expressionless. His eyes cold and dead. 

Hollow and empty and absolutely soulless 

"I know you love Big brother." His words shook me. I thought I hid my love for Takahiro so well, but this depressed brat saw right through me. "I can see how you look at him. Your eyes are filled with love and admiration. But when you look at me, your eyes are filled with poison because I'm a burdening little brat." Misaki threw down his towel and tried to walk past me, but I spoke up.

"For the sake of Takahiro, stop acting like this. Stop the drinking, smoking, and cutting. For Takahiro." Misaki chuckled darkly as he turned around to face me. 

"That's what you want? You think if you stop my 'rebellious ways' Big brother will fall in love with you? But you know what! You can't fix what's broken! If that is what you think than stop being so selfish. Being selfish can and will put blood on your hands." I stayed quiet as his words sunk deep into my chest. 

"Usagi-san, why are you standing in the hall?" I turned around and saw Takahiro looking at me. I saw in the corner of my eye Misaki's door close, knowing he had to leave his brother's sight so he wouldn't see what I saw. 

"I'm sorry Takahiro, I became lost in thought. You know how writers are, always coming up with stories." I smiled at Takahiro. I wasn't exactly lying. After talking to Misaki and story was forming in my head about a certain boy named Misaki.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter so far. It should remaind you of season 1 episode 1 of Junjou romantica

 

4 months later

Misaki POV

This is no place for a commoner like me to show up with a pork miso soup. I finally got some information about Big brother's best friend.

He graduated from Teito University Law school at the top of his class. And now, as the youngest ever to win the Naomori Award, he is the super-popular author, age 28, the Great Lord Akihiko Usami.

By some morbid twist of faith my tutor, starting now.

4 months ago

Usagi-san POV

"Listen Usagi-san, Misaki's grades aren't the greatest, he needs a tutor to get better grades or he won't graduate and I'm moving away for work. I know you have a big house, maybe he could live and tutor him, and in exchange instead of paying rent, Misaki cooks and cleans." Takahiro said  to me. I honestly don't want his living with me because of our last encounter, but for Takahiro, I'll say yes.

"Of course! My home is his home."

Back to the present

Misaki POV still

I rung the door bell and got no answer. _What the heck. Is he not home? He said to let myself in if he wasn't home, so I guess I'll just go in_. I thought to myself. I pulled out a piece of paper from my pocket that had Usagi-san's apartment code on it.

When I opened the door to the apartment I couldn't help but stared at the house. Such wasteful space. I thought. I put the soup on the table and looked at the piece of on the table.

**_Aikawa_ **

**_I'm sleeping so please help yourself to the gallery proofs._ **

**_Thank you._ **

**_-Usami_ **

 

**_Usami-Sensei_ **

**_I have reserved your manuscript. Your new book is a lot darker than anything you've ever written, but it is still a masterpiece like always. Thank you for all your hard work._ **

What the... so he is home. I look at the table and see a stack of blue colored books called _Heights of the Sky Depths of the Ocean._ I've seen the book at the bookstore. I looked and saw another stack of books. I set the blue colored book down and went over to the other books. The book cover was pitch black. The cover bore a random red lines all around the book. They looked like cut marks. I read the title _'You can't fix what's broken.'_

I turned the book over to read the summary on the back

**Suzuki Misaki is a young adult who is drowning in depression and pain since the death of his parents who he blames himself for.**

**Will he over come his pain or will it consume his soul?**

After reading that I thought of what I should do. Usagi-san wrote about my pain. I should March up to where he is and scream at him, but what idiot does that? So I did what I thought was the best thing to do....which was to read the book while getting drunk. So that's what I did. 

I raided Usagi-san's fridge grabbing a 75% full bottle of Sake and sat down on the couch to read.

After about an hour I was a bit tipsy and crying when I finished the book. In the story Misaki was drowning in depression and in the end of the story he agrees to get help, but is hit by a car and dies. As I finished the book a door opened and Lord Usagi-san walked down the stairs to see the crying drunken mess that I am.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't know, the last chapter did change if you didn't know. If you first read it and Misaki confronted Usagi-san, reread it, because I changed the ending and you won't understand this chapter if you don't

 

**Usagi-san POV**

I walk downstairs to see Misaki laying on the couch holding a bottle of Sake in his hand. He looked up at me. He cried, by the sound of his voice he was a drunk, or at least tipsy. I look and see 'You can't fix what's broken' on the coffee table. I guess he read it and didn't like the ending. Tears flowing out of his eyes as he talked.

**Misaki's P.O.V**

I was tipsy. Usagi-san was right in front of me and I was drunk, but not that drunk, it was a 'I'm drunk enough to say things I'm too scared to say when I'm sober' type of drunk. And that's what I was doing, saying things I'm too scared to say when I'm sober. "You killed me. Why did you kill me? I was going to get help, and you killed me. I could get help, but if I did big brother would know and I don't have the money to get help. And getting help when I'm still going through pain is meaningless. You don't know how much I want to die, but if I did it would make big brother sad, I don't wish for that on him. He's the only reason I'm still alive!"

As I was ranting and sobbing Usagi-san walked over to me, he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. Making my tears stop instantly. The silver haired man pulled away from me.

**Usagi-san POV again (sorry for all the P.O.V. switching, I want you to know what both of them are thinking to understand what both of them are thinking)**

I pulled away from his lips and looked into his eyes to see that his tears stopped and a nice red tint on his cheeks.

"That...that was my first kiss." He said shyly. I smiled. Even since I met him, he always seemed to be emotionless and dark, but right now in this moment, I feel like I'm seeing a rare side of Misaki, a side no one has seen. I'm seeing the true Misaki, an adorable blushing virgi-

"Is it sex that you want?" He said in a cold voice. What was he saying?

"What? No. What makes you think that?" I asked. "I've never met a man who didn't want sex with me." "What?" I asked again Misaki stood up from the couch, grabbing the bottle of Sake with him.

"That's a story for another drunk day." He said. "Where's my bedroom?"

"First door on the left." I answered and watched as he stumbled up the stairs and into in now owned room.

**I can't believe that this guy is going to be living with me from now on**


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update. XP

Misaki POV

I stumbled into my new room. I felt the wall for a light switch, when I found it I clicked it on, walked inside and closed the door. I looked  
around the room.

There was a bed pressed into the corner of the room, across from the bed was a desk and chair. Next to the desk was a dresser, next to the dresser was a full length mirror. I placed the bottle on the desk and slowly walked over to the mirror and looked at myself and I hated what I saw. I ripped off my shirt and pulled off my jeans to fully see myself and the scars I wear. I stared at the words that are carved into my flesh of my stomach and chest.

'Worthless'  
'Filthy'  
'Toy'  
'Dirty'  
'Ugly'  
'Pain'  
'Alone'  
'Die'  
'Unwanted'  
'Burden'  
'Freak'

I hate mirrors. I do my best to stay away from them. To stay away from the look at myself and my body, but in my drunken state I couldn't stop looking at myself. I felt my hand reach up and touch my mirror self, I felt like I was in a trance.

My blood boiled and I felt my hand mold into a fist and made contact with my mirror self's face. 

"You're worthless! Worthless! Just a burden! No one wants you! You're just a replaceable toy to play with!" I screamed into the mirror as I smashed my reflection.

I saw my face shatter into a million pieces and fall to the floor. I felt pain shoot through my hand and arm, and blood drip from my knuckles. I dropped to the floor and curled up in a fetal position. I heard loud, heavy footsteps quickly run towards me. Then the door was swung open.

Usagi-san POV 

I watched Misaki disappear into his room before I turned back to pick up the copy of my book that was abandoned on the couch. I sighed and put the book back in the pile of the other books, before I heard a crash from upstairs coming from Misaki's room. I rushed up the stairs and swung the bedroom door open. 

I was greeted with a broken mirror and an even more broken Misaki curled up, almost naked, on the floor crying surrounded by glass and blood. "Misaki," Said boy looked up at me with teary, scared eyes. "Misaki, what happened?"

"Leave me alone! I'm worthless! It hurts!" The boy cried hiding in head between his knees as he sobbed and wimpered rocking back and forth. I slowly walked over to the boy and kneeled in front of Misaki. 

"Misaki, you're bleeding, let's get you bandaged up and into bed, ok?" I said softly and slowly, Misaki just sniffled and slowly got up. I got up with him and led him to the bathroom and sat him on the closed toilet seat.

While I wrapped Misaki's wounded hand with bandages, I wrapped the hand carefully as not to hurt the boy. "You don't have to be gental. I'm not delicate." I looked up at Misaki and I got a better view of Misaki's body.

His upper arms and chest was littered with tattoos. On the side of his chest was a doll looking thing with stitches over one eye and mouth  
and pins all over its body, a red heart on the chest with a nail in the heart. Blood dripping down, broken wings, and a halo.  
A black flower and stem with an eye in the middle of the flower written above the flower were the words 'The Flowers Of Evil' on Misaki's upper right arm.  
The other upper arm had a simple detailed black rose with blood dripping from the thorns.  
And his legs were inked with blood dripped barbed wire.

"Ok, I'm done." I said as I finished wrapping his knuckles. I looked up at Misaki and saw that his eyes slowly close than open. I stood up and scooped the young boy up in my arms, alarming him. 

"What are you doing? Where are we going?" Misaki asked sleepily. I left the bathroom and made my way to my own room.

"You're exhausted so I'm taking you to my room to get some rest." I replied as I opened my bedroom door. 

"Why can't I sleep in my room?" Misaki's voice was much softer and mumbled from my shirt. 

"I dont want you to get hurt from the broken glass in your room, so you can sleep in my room tonight whike I clean up the glass." I sat the boy on my very spacious bed. I went to my closet and got a shirt for Misaki, so he wouldn't be cold, but when I turned around I saw Misaki was already fast asleep. I draped my shirt over the sleeping boy's body and kissed his hair softly.

Misaki looked so innocent and peaceful asleep, it brought a small smile on my face. "Sweet dreams my Misaki." I quietly left the room to pick up the glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Misaki's tattoos (I don't know if these links actually work, so tell me if they actually go to the tattoos
> 
>  https://www.google.com/search?q=flowers+of+evil+flower&client=tablet-android-samsung&source=android-browser&prmd=isvn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiG9b-O_e7bAhVKzlkKHWKjD4cQ_AUICSgB&biw=601&bih=962#imgrc=h1iq72bn036ZLM:
> 
>  https://www.google.com/search?client=tablet-android-samsung&tbm=isch&q=goth+arm+tattoos&chips=q:goth+arm+tattoos,g_1:creepy&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwia2Lu9-e7bAhWktlkKHXVEDesQ4lYIMCgA&biw=601&bih=962&dpr=1.33#imgrc=ha2pVbd7EDyKvM:&isa=


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok so a lot happened in my live. July I had to go on 3 trips in 3 weeks, 2 of them had no WiFi 
> 
> Than in August I worked 7 hour shifts 5 days a week. Than school started and I'm also in a college class along with work on the week ends. Got my wisdom teeth out.
> 
> Than in October I had some medical problems was in the hospital at one point. But I'm all better now and hopefully will update more often.

"Ok now, deep breath. 3, 2, 1." Misaki inhaled sharply as the needle was inserted and exited from his bottom lip and a metal bar took the place of the needle and a ball screwed on the end. "Ok you're done, what do you think?" Misaki was handed a mirror and he looked at the metal stud in his bottom lip, he looked at the other three balls along Misaki's bottom lip. Two on one end and two symmetrically on the other end, he gave a small smile, with his lip was in pain a little.

"Their perfect." The piercer took her rubber gloves off and toss them in the trash.

"I've never had someone come in and get 13 piercing all at once along with tattoos." The piercer said.

The day after he moved into famous author Usami Akihiko's house and his over brother moved away. Misaki went to his regular tattoo and piercing parlor and got 13 piercings:

Industrial bar  
Trugus on each ear  
Conch  
Helix  
2 eyebrow piercings on end of one eyebrow  
Shark bites  
Flat  
Teardrop anti eyebrow

Along with piercings, Misaki also got tattoos on his palms, back of his hands and his neck, since he didn't have to worry about his older brother seeing that his younger brother had an inked body and metal all over his face.

Time skip

"Usagi-san, I'm home!" Misaki called out as he entered that house he was currently staying in. 

"Misaki, what did you do?" Usagi-san asked, looking at Misaki and his new look. 

"I got some piercings and tattoos." Misaki said simply. Usagi-san still looked at the brunette. 

"Why?" The author asked

"Because I wanted them, so I got them." Misaki shrugged casually.

"What would your brother think? How do you think would he react to this?" 

"That's why I got them done when I moved out, I don't want big brother to see me like this." Misaki took off his black boots and brushed past Usagi-san.

Usagi-san POV 

I was shocked when Misaki came home with piercings in his face and ears and clear bandages around his palms, fingers, and neck, probably holding in the ink of fresh tattoos. His neck tattoo was the work 'Freak' inked out with different font for each letter above that was inked dotted lines across his throat with scissors above with the words cut here under the scissors. Upside down pentagons on his palms and a small upside cross on the middle fingers.

Shortly after the brunette started living with me Misaki stopped being ashamed to show off his many scars and tattoos. When he would come home he would casually take off his jacket like any normal person would.

I watched as Misaki took a cigarette out the cigarette box and lit the end. 

You really are something, Misaki. Maybe I am falling in love with this brat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I relised that I have a piercing addict. I got my helix pierced in July than my eyebrow pierced in September and my lip 2 weeks ago and I'm planning on getting more.
> 
> If your wondering about why it saids 13 when I only listed 9, was because shark bites are 4 piercings on the bottom lip.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I will update when I have panic attacks and feel like crawling into a hole and dying.


End file.
